Did your SO/DH change?

[Stringy]

Did your SO/DH change after having kids? How did he change? Good, Bad, the Ugly?

[PikaJen]

I got pregnant after we'd been dating for four months (but I had known him several years) and we were only 20. So, it's sort of hard to say. :P He's not the person he was then, but neither am I. I think we both made good changes.

[Bones_Malone]

I think he is certainly more conservative than he was, but I don't know if that has more to do with getting older or having the kids. We also have grown into our own interests and spend more time apart than we used to, but enjoy each others company...unless he ticks me off.

[crochetcrazy]

I always knew DH would be good with kids (he has two nephews so I'd seen him in action). But I was surprised at how awesome he was with a newborn. Kind, loving, gentle (more so than me!).

I know his feelings for me changed, as the mother of his children...and for me too, knowing him as the father of my kids. It has strengthened our bond.

Seeing our kids being born, cutting the cord, holding them when they were seconds old, was a deeply moving and spiritual experience for him (I joke that he's seen two babies born and I've never seen one!)

A really good thing for us was when DH stayed home for 2 years with DS while I went back to work. DS was 22 months when DH started at home and it totally changed his approach to parenting. He found it overwhelming at first...and I reminded him that I didn't start out with an active toddler...I got to work up to it!

Even now, when he works full time, he takes on more than 50% of the child care when he's home and does tons of house work...because he knows how hard my job is the rest of the day! Yeah for me! I think every parent, male or female, should spend at least a six months at home so that they can appreciate what that's like!

[totallyawake4reggio]

As one of my favorite quotes reminds me "Without change there would be no butterflies"... cause for eons I was pertified of change - but without it there is no personal growth... and that is the whole purpose of life - to grow and evolve and enjoy the journey life has to offer.

So yes ... we have both changed and grown in our time together ... we have bought a house together - which made for some interesting hurdles in compromise around priorities and needs; we have navigated parenting changes as the kids have hit different milestones where we each might have handled something differently if we were alone - but we found compromise together or stepped back and let the other handle it; we have overcome a couple major health issues with me - which put strain on our relationship due to the stress and worry as well as my lack of energy and changes in my body and so forth; we have both changed career paths and we went through a little rough patch where he was not working and there was strain on the relationship with him being home all day when I too am working from home - abesence makes the heart grow fonder and all that; we have discovered new hobbies and made new friends both on our own and as a couple ... fortunately through out these times communication has been key and we have worked hard to make sure that we are growing together as a couple as well as on our own.

I think all relationships go through rough patches and you get to a point where it feels that the disagreements seem more often and larger then the good times or things one has in common with a partner ... this is because for whatever reason we tend to put our relationship with our partner on the back burner to everything else ... the house, the kids, work and so forth! I think during those times it is even more important to focus on stepping back and re-evauluting your goals as a couple and making being a couple a priority again and doing things together as a couple and so forth ... so that there is balance in the relationship ... because kids grow up and leave the home, careers come and go - but the one constant in the relationship is the intamcy and love between the two of you and that need to be cultivated and protected as it is the backbone of everything else!

[Otiiva]

Yes, he changed, but only for the better, except when he's tired... ((But that's not necessarily from the kids - that's owning your own business. Ugh))

[oddduck]

Not really, I don't think so at least -- except before we had kids, he was on the absolutely no more then 2 kids boat. I was on the 2 or 3, we'll see how it goes. Now that we have 1 and another on the way, he wants at least 3, but has mentioned 4-5 too.

[2kidsandadog]

COMPLETELY!!!! We have been together for 11 years and over those years both of our interests changed, but we are still the same silly crazy people we were when we married. Just now he has more leftist political ideas and I am not as vocal about mine as I used to be!!! Now, he hasn't flown since having kids, and likely won't. His sense of having to leave them is intense (I secretly love this), and now that he has a DD he cringes when he sees inappropriately dressed girls, or when he sees young "tartlets" on tv. These are just more things for me to tease him about!

[doubletroublemoms]

Well seeing that I can be considered the SO in the family (seeing that I didn't give birth to the children)....I would have to say yes, I definitely have changed since kids came along. I am especially so much more conscious about what foods we eat. We still eat junk, but we now eat more healthy stuff ON TOP of the junk that we eat LOL

My boys dress better than I because I totally enjoy shopping for clothes for the boys than for myself (that's sad, but true).

My priorities have shifted and it's mostly about the boys. The priority is like 75-25, with the 75% going to the boys and the other 25% towards my partner and I. As they get older though, I can see how that priority can change, closer to 50-50 as they near the teen years and then eventually more towards 100% me as they hit closer to 18 yrs old

[Bones_Malone]

I think all relationships go through rough patches and you get to a point where it feels that the disagreements seem more often and larger then the good times or things one has in common with a partner ... this is because for whatever reason we tend to put our relationship with our partner on the back burner to everything else ... the house, the kids, work and so forth! I think during those times it is even more important to focus on stepping back and re-evauluting your goals as a couple and making being a couple a priority again and doing things together as a couple and so forth ... so that there is balance in the relationship ... because kids grow up and leave the home, careers come and go - but the one constant in the relationship is the intamcy and love between the two of you and that need to be cultivated and protected as it is the backbone of everything else!

I like this, it is really important to remember that there are good times and really bad times, and everything is amplified when you have children. I always find that DH and I get off track for a while when a new baby comes home and we are trying to find our rhythm again.